I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
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