guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize