My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize