the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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