you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize