My hand turned me down
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
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