I'm going to jail i love you
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize