I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Your penis caused this!
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize