i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
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