i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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