So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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