Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize