I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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