just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
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I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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