I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize