I hate all girls vehemently.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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