I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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