i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize