Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
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How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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