My first STD was from a foam party
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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