I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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