oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
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i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
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I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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