Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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