Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
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the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
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how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I think people are normalizing furries
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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