Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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