Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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