Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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