mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize