I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I am mentally ready for anal.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize