I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Please don't give away my fajitas
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize