sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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