Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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