That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
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We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
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Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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