so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i need an iv and a liver transplant
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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