I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
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I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
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It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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