Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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