were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
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