don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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