Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
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I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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