I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
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