We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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