i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
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I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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