Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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