after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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