Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
This toilet bowl is my home.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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