I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize