Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
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Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
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I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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