i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize