Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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