They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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