Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
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i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
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He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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